mind venting for $200

Guys, GUYS. I got random shit on my mind, so here we go:

One: Let's talk about guy/girl friendships. These friendships growing up were my FAVORITE friendships. It just seemed easier. To this day, I am still way more relaxed around guys than girls, more at ease, etc. Unless I have a crush. Then I'm a bumbling idiot who apparently talks about sheet forts. Here's the thing though, as you get older, marking that initial friendship with the opposite sex is HARD AS FUCK.
See, I have moved a good deal. and in my newest venture especially, I have come across many times guys rebuffing me, or at least a few times interpreting my forthright nature as hitting on them. and it sucks. a lot. I want to outright say, DUDE listen. If I had any sort of crush on you, I probably would be too timid to talk to you , let alone outright ask to hang out. so just chillllll. I even have gone the path of thinking, sweet! That dude has a girlfriend. Safe zone.  I can totally ask him to hang out, and since he is already taken, and he KNOWS I know that, this wont be misconstrued. NOPE. Apparently every male (almost) things an invitation to go grab a drink, hike, or do something active of any kind while hanging out means I want in their pants. It may be the most frustrating thing I have encountered in my adult life. (It's definitely not).  I just don't get how a girls supposed to make friends dude. let me in on the secret. Do *I* have to have a bf to not be seen as threatening? BULLSHIT.

Two: it's already almost March, what the what?! I am starting to plan out my spring/summer months. I am *considering* Bonnaroo. If I can get a volunteer spot not with clean vibes, I think I will. I mean, I just cant imagine passing up Lauryn Hill. Oh god, and then she calls out special guest D'angelo and I have to take a moment and just breathe. Otherwise, my cousins wedding on the San Juan Islands in July, and a jaunt up to Alaska after that (I see myself buying tickets end of march, and I am STOKED.)  I also turn 29 this year which means I have to get my ass in GEAR on some of these 30 before 30 items. and getting to the South West as I want to complete all 50 states by 30. When that happens this year I'm not too sure yet... though I want it to happen RIGHT NOW.  AND another winter has gone by that I didn't make it back to Hawai'i, and that makes me sad. Will 2014/15 be that year? *shrugs*

Three: I AM SO READY FOR HIKING. and ADVENTURES. and CAMPING. and.... yeah. So ready for the warmer weather. I can't wait to see what Asheville has to offer. I am trying to step outta my comfort zone in a lot of ways too, try new activities, etc. we shall see.

Alright, little mind clearing. Sorry it's been almost 2 months since the last post. It happens y'all.

My kind of Karaoke Competition

...is one where you don't have to experience the singing. Ever. At this point, I just assume you all have seen the Epic Lip-Sync off battles that Jimmy Fallon has hosted on his talk show. Oh, somehow you haven't? Well then, go ahead and watch the videos below first, the come back to me, and we'll continue this conversation:

 We first saw it happen when Actor John Krasinski (ME-OW) visited:

 The next time we got to enjoy the stylings of Joseph Gordon Levitt and Stephen Merchant:

Okay, Now that you are back with me, are these competitions (and men) not what dreams are made of? It got me thinking though...If I had to pick three songs to partake in an epic lip sync battle, what would they be? What would my strategy entail? John Krasinski NAILED it with all three of his songs, in my opinion, where as JGL lost me with 'Tiny Dancer' but WON THE SHOW with 'Super Bass' as his second choice.

I thought long and hard (on and off for 4 hours while driving back from Asheville this morning) and finally decided upon the set below. And yes, yes, of COURSE I'll explain why I decided each was a obvious wonderful choice. I will say though, that this was way harder than I expected. I easily narrowed it down to a top 10, but from there I went back and forth a good bit. I provided a playlist of the top 10, all the same.

1)'Always' - Bon Jovi: I knew I needed a throw back, and a throw back power ballad can never go wrong. I decided on this one because it isn't as popular, but I've known every word to this song since I was in 3rd grade. Just a little girl (...no matter what my physical appearance suggested), on the school swing set, belting this song out with her best friend during recess. #truthballad

2)'B.O.B.' -Outkast: I believe it was the summer before entering my freshman year of college that my BFF4L and I decided we were going to learn every word to this ridiculous song. I got as far as the first verse, and really, for this competition that is enough. It seems you need to have a token 'rap' to throw in the mix, and where Ol' Dirty Bastard 'Got Your Money' was a close second, the ridiculous speed of this rap won me over, so I could show off my mad skillZ.

3)'Only Girl (In the World) - Rihanna: As far as the 'pop' standards go, this would be where I had the hardest time. I ruled out a few classics, feeling that I needed something a little newer (classics being before the year 2005, like all classics are classified). This song stood out over the few that were left simply because I pictured myself dropping to my knees during the chorus, begging the world to love me. It didn't take much to picture this, mind you, as I have done it at more than a few dance parties. Knee dropping emotion would also be why I saved it as my finale. Solid move, right?

Runners Up: 
'Call Your Girlfriend' -Robyn; 'P.Y.T. -Michael Jackson; 'Countdown' -Beyonce; 'Got Your Money' -O.D.B; 'Brand New Key' -Melanie; 'Don't Take It Personal' -Monica; 'Free Your Mind' -En Vogue.
 

So, what would be in your top three? I want at LEAST 15 minutes of thought put into this people. No whilly nilly work going on here.

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird

Oh hey guys. Let me quickly reference where I was the last time I caught you all up.... Oh wow. It's been A WHILE. I mean, this one KINDA counts, but really this was just me showing you a few pictures of shenanigans I had gotten into, and not really a recap of where I had been , or where I was heading....My bad. I'll look to correct that, starting now. So where does that leave me to begin?

Well...

As you may (or may not have?) realized, I have been living in Coastal South Carolina for the entire summer. At my parents house. Which I haven't lived at for 10 years. It has been weird, to say the least. My original plan was to leave all my stuff in Seattle (check!) sell my car on the West Coast (check!) fly home to SC for the summer (check) get a job, work, save, live rent free (check, check, check) and then fly back to the west Coast in late August to start a life over in that area of the country. (not. so.check). You would think, after 5+ years of moving about, randomly, that I would know myself well enough that I wouldn't make 'plans' for something that was 4-5 months down the road...but, alas.

About halfway through the summer I took a trip to Asheville, NC and it hit me that I wanted to call that city home. More than Portland or Seattle or any other smaller town on the West Coast. Asheville is about 5-6 hours from my parents house on the coast of SC, is in the mountains, has a great outdoor scene, lots of local breweries, and in general is an cute as hell town, and a great size. (Also, four seasons, great music, good food trucks, brick buildings....yeah). I discussed much of this with my sister Hayley, and she agreed that Asheville sounded like a good fit, and wanted to move with me. I knew I had a few obstacles to work through (a music festival in Atlanta I already had ticket for mid September. A gig house sitting the beginning of September in a close town on the coast. A cousin's wedding in Seattle the beginning of November. A camping trip throughout the PNW the beginning of October.) So I started brainstorming.

I had a new plan, which included moving to Asheville in November after the wedding. Then work started sucking (fiscally and otherwise) so I quit, mid August. This changed things. I immediately bought a ticket to Seattle, flew out late August, bought a car in 4 days, and then began my drive back across the country, new car packed full of all the stuff  left there 4 months earlier on its way to a new home.

Travel time again! and a S'more cupcake outta Springfield, MO

My new Lady, a 2004 Subaru Outback (so fancy!) and me atop the Flat Irons in Boulder, CO

What? Katie's shoes in a undisclosed location? (Montana), Tubing with friends on the Wyoming/Utah Boarder

The new plan was this: House sit for a few days. Go to music festival. Get PFD from Alaska deposited the beginning of October, and move immediately after that to Asheville, having to give up my PNW camping trip, but hoping to still have money enough for my cousins wedding in November. Well then I got two tickets for expired plates on the drive cross country. And unfortunate circumstances canceled my housesitting gig. I was now back on the coast, SUPER in debt, without a job for a month, scraping together money for rent and deposit in Asheville. 

I applied for a barista position I saw on craigslist. Figured, hey, why not. Work a month there (don't tell them that till I'm hired) make some extra cash, and be on a little better footing before moving in a month. done.

I go in for a interview at a local boutique that wants to also become a coffee bar (which we lack in these parts). I can walk to it from my house. The interview? 'Can you make me an espresso drink?'. Immediately I know that this is more than a barista position. They need my help. They explain they love coffee, know nothing about it. Want to hire me as someone who creates their coffee menu, sets price points, makes list of what they need to order. Hires other baristas and trains them. I know I cannot give them just a month, we talk. We strike a deal. I give them TWO MONTHS, get the ball rolling, set up a coffee bar for them, they pay me WELL and (under the table). So, now I have a new plan. I get a chance to create something new (which really excites me) without having to use my own money (more exciting) and come November 10th, I'm done. Hayley and I head to Asheville. I still get to go to my music festival in Atlanta. I still get to go to the wedding in Seattle the beginning of November. I will have money to live off of in Asheville while getting my footing, and I may even sneak in a Neutral Milk Hotel show in ATL mid October. It  took a lot for me to push back leaving Pawleys (it kills my soul a bit) but as long as I'm doing something worth while, and making $$$ I can give up another month. To quote the basement wall in Egypt: 'Oh life, stop being so funny.'

So, that's where I am at. In the GRAND scheme of things. (I also have this little item going on, but no updates as of yet). I have a  few more posts coming up to detail some smaller events that have happened over the last few months, but I figured a general catch up was due. I leave you with my favorite portion of Wallace Stevens 'Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird', a poem I was reminded of recently while reading a good  book :D

V

I do not know which to prefer,   

The beauty of inflections   

Or the beauty of innuendoes,   

The blackbird whistling   

Or just after.   

Liebster Award (man this entry has a shit ton of links!)

One of the great things about this 'award', and being nominated by the lovely Anna (thank you, again!) is seeing the other great blogs she nominated! Seeing real life amazing friends/women get recognized is pretty much the shit. (I'm looking at you A Life Less Ordinary and SEW much heART). 

The other things though, that it makes me realize, is that I do not follow any smaller blogs other than those I know in real life. I haven't done this on purpose, obviously, it is just how blogs have been weeded out in my life. I would LOVE to hear about blogs I SHOULD be following though, obviously. Lay 'em on me.

Liebster rules! (This is also a great little blurb explaining that it is, simply, small bloggers recognizing other small bloggers. I mean, what could be so bad about that!?)
**Thank the person that nominated you and link back up to their blog.
**Answer the 10 questions which are given to you by the nominator.
**Nominate some unknown number of other blogs with less than 200 followers, unknown because some say 10, others 11, others less.
**Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
**Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by going to their blog and notifying them, including a link back to your post.

Here are the questions from Maple and Me and my answers.
1. What is your favorite season?
Oh most definitely Fall....and I am SO excited to get to experience it again! Asheville, ready for this...., IT HAS ALL FOUR SEASONS. Crazy, right? So I am sure I will have a ridiculous amount of pictures of the colors of changing leaves and all the other grand features of the fall season.

2. What is your go-to comfort food?
Mac and Cheese, hands down. I never tire of it. ep. since I am not a big pasta eater in any other way, but man, there is no 'full' when it comes to some home made Mac and Cheese (or who am I kidding? I love me some Kraft blue box too.)

3. What is one skill you are working on right now?
Does patience count? That pretty much a constant in my life. Along with 'heeding my own advice'. As for a physical or tangible skill, I've been baking up a storm. Trying to learn to trust my baking instincts and such.

4. What teaches you patience?
Baking. Money. Life. 

5. Who is your fashion role model?
This is a very hard question, it changes so much. I have the standard fashion blogs I follow such as Orchid Grey, Delightfully Tacky, and Atlantic-Pacific, but as for a general fashion role model, I would say I'm too fickle to keep to one. I constantly find someone new (real person, or movie character) who I want to emulate and build off of. I would say the most recent(s) would include: Lizzie Caplan's Character in 'Save the Date', and New England yuppie culture. yepp you heard right.

6. Do you have a particular blog that you really admire? If so, which one?
I have three that I absolutely love the writing and the voice that comes through... the first would be Joy the Baker. just read ANY of her entries. I went looking through them for extra special, and really, they all are just so wonderful! Something is to be said for having no signs of pretentiousness. The second is Kendi Everyday (who had always been a standard b/c of her simple writing tone that was honest, but she won me over with THIS post), and finally Big Bang studios whose pictures and words are pure art. Just take a look at THIS and THIS and not fall in love. 

7. When you were younger what did you want to do when you were older? How do that differ (or coincide) from what you’re doing now?

I just had this lovely conversation with a new acquaintance two days ago, and in it he pointed out that 'what we wanted to be when we grew up' most likely hasn't changed. Now you man feel 'well, yes it has!' but think about it, most likely, you still would LOVE to be that, you just grew up and pushed it aside, or thought it too fanciful, or were told to be more realistic, or maybe even thought 'that isn't REALLY a job'. When I was younger, I distinctly remember three phases I went through: I wanted to be a Paleontologist, I wanted to be a Lawyer, and then I wanted to be a Journalist. Off the bat, all of these things seem like nothing I would want to do NOW, but if i think back to WHY i chose these in the first place, it totally makes sense. 

**I wanted to be a Paleontologist because you got to discover things! and you got to be in the dirt! and it was an answer that NO OTHER CHILD was going to have. SO that was an INSTANT win.

**I wanted to be a Lawyer because they got to make things right, solve mysteries, and complete puzzles.(yes, solve mysteries. I never wanted to be an investigator, or cop, or such, b/c they had guns, and could get hurt. I have always been a complete wuss.)

** I wanted to be a journalist because at the time I was really into writing poetry, and submitting pieces to magazines. And more than that, I was told I was GOOD AT IT.  Remember those children poetry contests in magazines? I cant remember the name but they were EVERYWHERE. I def. submitted to those. I even wrote a poem and read it to my 4th grade class as a 'goodbye' to them when I moved to South Carolina. 

...So I want to make things right, solve puzzles, play in the dirt, discover new thing, get recognition for being good at what I do, and have it be something that your standard person wouldn't dream of doing. You connect the dots.

8. What is your guilty pleasure?

I use this term all the time, but I DO hate it. It shouldn't be guilty. Fuck that. Just fully own up to liking it. an move on. Just because you love documentaries about pop stars (me) doesn't mean you don't also love the feeling of completing a Wed-Sunday NYT crossword (also me). But, as a general question, those things that other might consider guilty pleasures would include:

**90s R&B

**Celebrity Gossip Blogs

**Grocery store Hot bars

**YA literature

**Broadway Musical Soundtracks

**Early 2000s Pop-Punk (Something Corporate, Brand New, Fall Out Boy, Say Anything, Taking back Sunday, Saves the Day, The Academy Is... Any of there first Albums) (really, most of the music I enjoy could be considered a guilty pleasure by SOMEONE)

** Gas station cappuccinos

9. What was one piece of art that was incredibly formative to you?

Oh Man. This is such a good question. I really wish I remembered further back. I have never been one for images of the Madonna or religious works. Color and shape have always pulled me in, and Klimt and Kandinsky have always been at the forefront of my mind.  When it comes to written word, I have always been the kid who listened to the lyrics in songs. Some people were poetry readers from an early age, and even though I had my favorites, I didn't dive into that form. I had music, and lyrics, and that was my poetry. I very vividly remember as a young child (under age 9) going on car rides with my dad, just driving for drivings sake, and he would be blasting music, and then a song would come on and he'd tell me to 'just listen to the words'. It as breed into me.

10. What are three things you are grateful for right now?
**Having amazing friends around the globe

**Getting the chance to start fresh in a month

**Becoming better at articulating myself

And Since I do not have anyone new to nominate, I figured I would leave these questions here, and if you want to answer them, DO IT. Do it in the comments, do it in your own blog and link back to me, write me an email and answer them. I love reading responses, and would love to see yours!

1. Would you rather live one 1,000 year life or live ten 100 year lives?
2. If you had to watch one movie and only one movie for the rest of your life what would it be?
3. If you could have only one food on a desert island what would it be?
4. What is your favorite food to cook?
5. The last book you read was….
6. Best compliment you've ever received
7. Which is the best city in the world?
8. Show me a pictures of three stunningly beautiful things (to you)
9. You discover that your wonderful one year old child isn't yours because of a mix up at the hospital. Would you want to exchange the child to “correct the error” and have child your biological child?
10. What is something you struggle with daily?

Drinking Buddies

Just a few days ago, I came across the trailer for a new movie called 'Drinking Buddies'. The trailer had everything I loved, and so, last night, instead of waiting for it, I actually put forth the $10 and downloaded through iTunes.

Here, before we go any further, is the trailer:



Alright, so... the movie. I liked it. a lot. It follows in the same vain as a lot of Magnolia Produced pictures, in that it has a very REAL vibe. You know these people, or maybe you ARE one of these people. This is why I like Magnolia films. They are Real, they are Awkward, they can make you bored or uncomfortable at times, because SHIT, You've done that and its not ended well, or you thought about that, or you watched your friend go through that, etc. This one is no different.

The chemistry between the two main characters of Kate and Luke is very real. Very playful. The situation they are living in is also one you see around you a good deal (or maybe I do? I guess not everyone lives this sorta life...). Overall, I just enjoyed the film, and the problems it was going though, and then, in one of the final scenes, it hit home.

The two main characters get into a fight, that I swear, I have almost had word for word. Were the circumstances different? Absolutely. Was the fight overall about something different? YES. But where some of the exact words and phrasing that were being said.... Let's just say, did I feel like I was being directly quoted? YES. how did it make me feel? wretched. Here's why: Have you ever had to take a communications class in college, and when giving your speech, you are filmed? The purpose being that later you will go back and watch that film of yourself and have a whole new outlook on how you present yourself. It's pretty shocking. (at least it was for me... My voice is high! I have a lisp! I fidget constantly! I gesture with my hands ALL THE TIME, etc). you notice things that ultimately, when inside your own head, you just overlook about yourself.

Without giving spoilers I will set the scene up a bit: Luke (the main male character played by Jake Johnson) is helping his BFF Kate (Played by Olivia Wilde) move from one apartment to another. A few bad circumstances come upon them (which up until this moment everything had been fun! Lighthearted!) and you get to see how each in turn reacts. I immediately had problems with how Kate was reacting. Now, did she react wrong? no. She didn't. I think overall though, it hit me so wrong because I saw shades of myself. And then, the conversation (fight) that ensues near the end of this long scene...solidified my feelings of disliking her behavior, coupled with the fact that I HAVE DONE THE EXACT THING. That is something that is hard to swallow. Even as I write this, I want to defend her behavior, and mine in turn. And of course there are parts of me that know the underlying reasons for the behavior ARE justified. But, if i am to be honest with myself, the actions that are taken to justify that behavior are ridiculous. And so, I am writing this.

have you even watched a movie and seen something you did (even if so small) that made you rethink your own behavior?

Oh lord I need a day off

As I write this, I am tired. Like, really deliciously tired. Why am I not sleeping then? No idea. My eyes hurt. I have to work a double tomorrow, and yet, here I am writing. Why? Well, most likely it is because when this tired hits, so do the rambling thoughts. And what better time to write a blog post than when the rambling thoughts are in full force, yes?

Slowly, as I have spoke of, I am converting this space in to a more thoughtful space. Not a fashion, DIY, 'hey look at me!' space, but a fashion, DIY, 'hey look at me being THOUGHTFUL' space. total difference.

I came to a realization, that technically I already knew, but sometimes it is the correct voicing of said realizations that hit the nail on the head. I was talking with a friend the other day, and I spoke of how much travel means to me. Which, FYI, it's a lot. Whenever I get in a funk, or starting dreaming of the future, my thoughts always first go to my next 'move' or adventure. Currently I have thoughts of more volunteering at music festivals this summer, or going to AK for a wedding in July, or moving to Portland/west coast this fall, or going to the Big Island of Hawaii again this winter. This is just the tip of it too. These are the big things. B/c then I move onto smaller thoughts of day trips to go hiking, and weekend camping getaways into the NC mountains, or traveling to Savannah, GA to eat delicious food just for an afternoon.

All these things, these are the things that make me tick. Make me happy. That exploring. And if I had all of these things, I know deep down that a life of working as a barista and server, of thrifting for fun and selling stuff on Etsy just to let me continue thrifting in exchange, of having a small flat, all this.... this would be a perfectly acceptable life. But the key to all this? The partner in crime. All the trips and travels, I want that person that hops into the car with me on a days notice and goes to Wilmington, b/c we never have been and its only 3 hours away.  Who plans Hawaii, AK, and a west coast wedding all in the same 6 months time span. Whose job doesn't define them, or hold them back from living life outside their job.

I knew all this, but it is saying it aloud, that really does the trick. As I get older, and constantly meet new people, I remember how much I really like meeting new people. Man you have to sift through a ton of crappy people to find good ones, but, uhm... WORTH IT.  So how bout I keep meeting new fun people, and one of them fits this mold, mmk? But preferably, can I do this outside of South Carolina? kthanx.

ps. I promise more pictures in blog posts. But when the rants come, you just cant prepare to have 'life decision' photos waiting in the wings.

Music Festivals

So with my journey once again to the Bonnaroo Music Festival quickly approaching, I have gotten the itch to see what other festivals I could maybe volunteer at this summer as well. Really, there is no other way to go but than to volunteer at these events, you get to experience them for FREE and, come on. That rocks. a lot. SO what if you have to put in 18 hours of work over 4 days, am I right? I AM FUCKING RIGHT.

So, after wasting a few hours on the internet, here are some of my options for this summer:

Lollapalooza: Beginning of August. Line-up this year looks fricken awesome, they are accepting volunteers, and the drive is less than 15 hours (which sounds like a lot, but if I convinced someone to go with me, not bad AT ALL). more importantly though, line up. Let's talk line-up. Mumford and Sons. Vampire Weekend. Phoenix. Postal Service. Major Lazer. Matt and Kim. Charles Bradley. Shovels and Rope.  and more.
Now, the downside to this festival is it is in a big city, so no camping :( Hotels can be pretty pricey, so it depends on if anyone went with me, and then Id have to think about if I knew anyone in the area, etc.

Forecastle Music Festival: Had never heard of this one, but it takes place mid July in Louisville, KY. Great location, once again a city though so hotels and all that jazz. Volunteering spots are totally open.  The line up includes: Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, Black Keys, Flaming Lips, Matt and Kim, Shovels and Ropes, Avett Brothers, Robert Plant, and more. Drive wouldn't be bad.  Hotel prices are more reasonable than in Chicago, so, yeah.

Overall, I just think I need to go ahead and sign up for them. Just do it. I'm usually one to just be about stuff, and then try and convince others to join me.

Otherwise,  I have a few more thoughts on summer plans up my sleeves, but its all in the air now, all up in the air.

The Internetz *Dun Dun DUNNNNNNN*

Lately, it has seemed that the things that are getting pushed into my view are all pretty relevant and engaging to me. Each little article I have come across as of late digs a little deeper into some of the big issues I have been tossing around inside my own mind for a good while now. Maybe I am just being more receptive to these articles right now, or more likely, I am actually just taking the time to sit down and read the full article or watch the full video instead of simply bookmarking it for a later time. (Yes, all these articles/video are on the internet. Which is funny, as you will see....)

The first Article I am referencing was this one entitled  'I'm Still Here: Back Online after a Year Without the Internet'.  This was pretty great, b/c it covered a topic I am constantly lamenting on (what would my life be like if I just unplugged and stepped away?) but also didn't give me the answer I WANTED, which... MIND BLOWN.

There are so many times in life (right now being one of them) that I have had the urge to step away form the digital world, cut back. I have gotten rid of facebook for a period of 2.5 years (and I mean, fully deleted, not just a deactivate), I didn't own a smart phone until about 2-3 years ago, and now with my smart phone, I have deleted my facebook, facebook messenger, and gchat apps. Just taking steps back. When times come that I find myself going on binges, I always wonder what the big step would be like, NO INTERNET. In my mind the life of someone with no internet is a glorious and enviable one. It is a life of reading, walks, productivity, libraries, letter writing, etc. YES, I know this is fully romanticized. When I gave up facebook for  years it was during a time when I was first out of college through my move up to Alaska where I knew not a soul. I quickly learned that facebook DIDN'T hinder me in getting to know new people, but the more people I got to know, the harder it was to figure out weekend plans WITHOUT facebook. Everyone was using the 'events' tab on there, and though for a while mass emails were ALSO sent out to accompany these event invites so as to keep everyone in the loop, this trend slowly faded, and I was left in the dark without straight up asking what was going on. This wasn't an omission on purpose, but most people simply forget that all their friends aren't covered when making a facebook event. Eventually, I cracked and made a new profile, and have had my facebook, fully activated, ever since.

All this led me to be SUPER interested in what a guy in my age range experienced not having internet for AN ENTIRE year. No smartphone, no Google maps, no email. I was hooked. Now, I want you to ALSO read the article, but lets just say, in the beginning everything is KINDA like my romanticized version of an internet free life, until, well, it's not. Read it, let me know what you think? It was an eye opener for me.

The second Article was actually a video... HERE.  Just watch y'all.

So me and the internet, where do we stand? I may never figure it out. Is this a dilemma only people of my age experience  Is it because we know fully what an internet free life is like, as well as in internet  FULL life is like? Those ten years younger, do they even consider what life would be like without internet?

Ambition is a Funny Thing...

Earlier this week I was directed towards this Article in The Atlantic, all about ambition and how it effects relationships.  Now, I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, but family, friends, community. It was one of the articles that really hit home with a lot of what is going on in my mind and I have been struggling with lately.

As I have now here and there detailed, earlier this spring, very much on a whim, I packed up and moved out of Alaska, where I had been living for the last 4 years (with a 7 month stint in Minneapolis snuggled in there briefly). This move was made for a myriad of reasons, but one of the key reasons had to deal with ambition. I had a good paying job, working as a waitress and bartender at a restaurant where I enjoyed (most) the people I worked with...but I was getting antsy. I wasn't 'fulfilled'. I had statements of 'not wanting to be a bartender' the rest of my life buzzing around my head. In this same vain, I thought the town had grown stale. Fairbanks, always has, and always will be a town that is made so amazing by the people who live there. These people I love and admire are all still there, but my mind was getting overwhelmed by the merging families, babies, home buying, etc that was happening. Once again, I wasn't 'there' yet, so it all seemed like one big sign to get the hell out while I could.

Now, the tone may seem like I have already (so quickly!) changed my mind on all these statements, that I have regret. I do not have regret, but they do talk about distance making the heart grow fonder. As I embark on my summer of living back at home with my parents for the first time in 10 years, working as a server and maybe a bartender at a few local restaurants (oh what a change Katie! look at you stirring it up!) I realize that though ambition is a WONDERFUL thing, and something I am full of, that a sense of community is also something that is wonderful, but I am learning, even harder to come by.

Moving home is a shift for me, and one that will ideally last 3-4 months. After this, the ball is up in the air. The ambition in me wants all the great things...a career I love! Money to let me travel! Family! A home! But there is the softer side of me (who I am hoping settles in and makes herself more known this summer) that looks at that list and sees: A Career I love! Money to let me travel! FAMILY! A HOME!  and that emphasis makes a heck of a lot of difference.

I think the hardest part of letting myself transition is knowing that whereas I can work hard at getting the career I want, and I can save money (both of these things are acts I can accomplish) finding the person who I want to start a family and settle into a home with are things (at least initially) I cannot control. And Oh man, this ambition girl LOVES her control.

I want to be there for everyone, always, all at once

I wasn't sure how to start this post, but I knew it had to be written, because it was a big 'AH-HA!' moment for me today. The basic plot point? Everyone ALWAYS has way more going on in their lives than you can EVER  imagine, so cut them a break.

Being grown up is hard. I have not had the greatest 2012. I have def. had some great highlights, but to counter those, I have also had some pretty low lows, as well. And let's not forget about the in-between blahs. Right now, I am looking forward to 2013 more than I ever had to a year changing. But for as many ups and downs as I have had this year, I know every person I care about in the world could counter with their own, and this is something we (I) forget a lot.

I recently was at a pretty low point, and reached out to a few of my closest friends from around the globe. A month later, I hadn't heard back from any of them. I was pretty darn hurt, to say the least. But then it happened, I heard back from one, who of course, was busy with her own life, but sweet as always. Then I wrote back to two others, and got the replies I expected, full of love, and full of truly reasonable reasons. Why? Because they had started new jobs of their own, moved across the country, gone through big break ups, settling still in foreign counties, etc. ALL HUGE THINGS. Now I am not downgrading how I felt, because it was not a bright moment, but I took a breathe, and remembered why all these girls were my friends, and how much it sucks to live to far away from those nearest and dearest...for everyone involved.

I also recently have gotten to the age where a lot of my older relatives are passing away, and my cohorts in family are getting married. I would love to make it to all these things, but having a family of 27 first cousins, it is just unrealistic. This doesn't mean that I don't get pissed at myself for not having the saving to fly across country on a whim to be with family. Or that I don't get frustrated that I don't have a 'real' job (which, still in my mind means 'adult' sadly) and can't do what I consider adult obligations of being with family and friends when we need each other the most.

This post has been a lot of blabber, but I guess what I am trying to get at is that we all lead such big complex lives. And remembering that fact is something we all need to remember, myself included. At least I think that was the point..

Fashion: Cameras add layers not pounds

About... 2 weeks? A Month ago? Sometime in the recent past my camera just decided to stop working. lens error. for. no. reason. Now, I take a lot of pictures and this... this made me pretttty sad/mad. Now, I have an awesome friend who just gave me his old digital camera, and that is what these pictures are taken with. Sadly though, I became spoiled with my last camera, and ...its just not the same. Cue me finding the funds to buy a new camera...a pretty and fancy one maybe even. Because, man, good pictures are just...so important.  right?

Headband: Forever21
Dress (as skirt): Transfer Site
Striped Button down: Old Navy
Brown Cardigan: Wal-mart
Yellow Belt: Transfer site
Navy Tights: Fred Meyers
Fuchsia Socks: Swap with friends
Boots: LL Bean Deerfields

(The list is only going to get longer as the layer become more ridiculous and extreme y'all)

Here's to me find a great deal on a bangin' new camera before I decide to photograph anything again. (So....hopefully SUPER soon)

Currently: I Need A Day Off

(Brunch Wreckage. Gotta love a Pump House Brunch.)

So, Usually come Monday morning I am going to try and do a weekend recap or a currently post. The thing is, most my 'weekends' look the same....WORKING. Yeah, see... I work the typical weekend, so my actually weekend ends up being a Tuesday/Wednesday or something. Maybe I should make Thursday my 'Weekend recap'? Only Time will tell what I decide (mwahahaha). Okay, that definitely didn't require maniacal laughter, but I did it, and that is that. *sticking to my guns*

...OKAY, And with that aside... I am Currently: (Stylized this week after Julie and Elizabeth)

WORKING ON: Updating this Blog. Constantly working on this, but I am trying to streamline the layout and clutter. I just got photoshop back (yay!) So, you may see some design changes over the next few weeks. Finally.

THINKING ABOUT: Spring! Yes, it isn't even winter yet, and Spring is on the mind. Trips are ALWAYS on the mind though, and I am hoping that I can plan a big trip across the water in Spring with some of my favorite people. Big dreams still, but it is nice to think about

ANTICIPATING: The next two days I have off! I have quite the todo list piling up, plus I am on day 6 of working straight, and really, my body is just saying no to serving tables any longer. Also, this weekend at the University of Alaska Fairbanks student PUB they are hosting a Campus couture Fashion show to support the Gay Straight Alliance. I have been asked via Arrogantly Shabby to help style the Runway models using all the donated clothing.

LISTENING TO: I just got done throwing Frank Ocean, D'Angelo, Discovery, Horse Feathers, Ben Sollee and The New Fiona Apple onto my phone for the car. It was time for a change up, let me tell you.

EATING: Well I am like.. 2 months,maybe 1.5 months...not sure, either way I am off caffeine  Yay! so Herbal teas and every once in a while a glorious Decaf Soy latte with Some Coconut. Also, LOTS of Breakfast foods. Basically, breakfast is all I feel I have time for now a days. Otherwise, On the few days off I get I have been making soup,A LOT of soup. I love soup weather it makes me so happy, and having a copy of Moosewood Restaurant soup based Cookbook makes everything just that much more special.

THANKFUL FOR: The fact that I stayed diligent through all the forms, hoops, etc I had to work through this year to get my Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend (PFD). I finally got accepted, and will receive it later this month. Man, does that help me financially. PHEW.

PLANNING FOR: A winter of learning. SO CORNY, but man, it is totally true! Goals, here I come!
I may have been overzealous at the library the other day

(My ToDo list in book form...)


(A little Nigel time is always a good time) (Recent going away party where we all dressed like our friend Angel, who is moving to Portland. Aren't the masks wonderful!?)

Fall Goals!

Well Y'all, it may be about a month late, but I have set some fall goals (now just to be clear, these goals basically go until the new year. There will be no 'winter goals' come the beginning of December. There will simply be 'new year' goals that go until 'Spring Goals' steps up to take its turn. I am Glad we are all clear on that now)

So Yes, these goals. They are pretty basic. Most are aimed towards the same large life goal. I gotta admit, I tried to think of more whimsical goals, but my mind is so focused on getting the hell outta waiting tables, and finally making my move to make my passion a reality, that I couldn't move past that mindset. I'm sure a large portion of you totally understand.

*Learn basic sewing machine skillz: So, it isn't like I have never used a sewing machine...it has just been about 10 years since I have. I find so many vintage dresses, and just clothes in general, that I want to make sure I can do basic repairs. And not all by hand, just because man...by hand that shit is time consuming. (I mean, just ask the pile of sewing repairs on my ground right now)

*Read five career oriented books: So, when I go to the library I tend to go crazy with the books. Like, over 30 books in one trip on one topic crazy. The idea of learning all about one topic sounds WONDERFUL. The actually learning and reading all the books...is where the plan falls through. So, I have done my 30 book collecting, and so by the new year I would like to have narrowed down the lot to 5 important ones, and have read them. The implementing what they say may come with the new years goals.

*Read 2 E-Courses: I bought almost 9 months ago an E-Course from 'A Beautiful Mess' call Dream Job. I have scanned it multiple times, read small sections, but actually reading and doing the assigned 'homework' just hasn't happened. So, That is first on my list. I also bought a Blogging PR and Marketing Course from Kaelah Bee at Little chief Honeybee that I have done basically the same thing with. I respect both of these blogs, the women in them, and their work ethics, so it is time to put my nose to the grindstone and here what they have to say,

*Add dresses to my Etsy Shop: Teal Tub Vintage is ever evolving, with my figuring out what the public loves, and slowly I have found that clothing accessories are a pretty big hit. Well, I also believe that vintage dresses are quite lovely, and have recently stumbled upon too many gems to keep them to myself. I have stayed away from clothing thus far because basically, it is really a lot more time consuming then accessories or knick-knacks. So, it is time to put on my big girl pants, and just step up to the plate! I have recently acquired a dress form (though, I am ALWAYS looking for another if you know of one... preferably a small to medium) and now it is just the time and energy that needs to be exerted.

Alright, well... those are my goals! Wish me luck, and really just patience and willpower to follow through. At the new year I will write up a big recap, but I am sure there will be progress posts as we go as well. And with that some fails. 'Cause I know everyone really loves the fails....

Ramblings: Life, as of the Late Times

Oh man, So I HAVE been working on things to share, but man, The whole posting them to the internet thing has not been where I am excelling! So, Life: Lately.



Creating a few DIYs (and failing at a few...*cough red shorts cough*)


Cherishing one of the last gorgeous mornings to sit outside before the snow


Taking a moment to make a very veggie Shepards Pie


Lusting after Floral Jeans (and scoring some at Fred's a few days ago!)


Swimming in Glacial Lakes


Celebrating love with some of the best people in my life


And Loving up on some sweet sweet Nigel

WORKING ON: Getting back on track... After a July filled with traveling to South Carolina, My mom and sister traveling up to Alaska, and then capping it all off with Traveling to the Southern area of Alaska for 4 days, I am desperately working on getting back into a groove of routine, money stabilization, and mindset. We shall see how that all goes...

THINKING ABOUT: What comes next. ALL THE TIME. It is a constant game of ordering this for me. First pay off credit card debt (again). Then start looking at houses. or wait, start figuring out what a 'real job' for Kface might look like. Then Acquiring said Job. Then looking at property? Oh and the whole making sure I balance life in general and friends and my boyfriend. Yes, all this must be balanced. Gesh.

ANTICIPATING: Currently, Ruckus coming home to Fairbanks (Yay!) and The Avett Brothers concert in Late August. Man, both those things make me pretty happy!

LISTENING TO: Lots of Avett Brothers to amp myself up, as well as checking out the new Frank Ocean, some Kimbra, and Beyonce. Always Beyonce.

EATING: TERRIBLE My days are a constant downhill struggle, haha. I start with smoothies and delish cold press, and tasty bagels, or something of the such. But my night fall I am downing my body weight in dairy milk and buffalo dip with chips, with a cold beer to wash it all down...

THANKFUL FOR: Being back in Alaska. And the amazing friends I have here. And the creativity I am allowed. And a super, super, super supportive cast of characters.

PLANNING FOR: My big move. and I have so many of them hidden away...(I mean, Large life decisions are all within a year reach of me...man o man.)

I was told I look 'TOO FANCY' today...

Ohh to be back in Fairbanks. See, that is what I have been doing in the oh...over a months span of time since I last posted. I have been moving (more on that amazing trip in a later post, I promise!) And since getting back, my life has been pretty busy! Finding a new cabin, moving into said cabin, ALWAYS on the look out for chairs for my place (a girl can dream of having places to sit in her home...), then not to mention the amazing shows i have been dragging myself out to (Fairbanks really does have such a warm and talented music scene!). OH! and then I went on a little side trip... and got sick as a dog! So now, in the recovery park of the journey, I decided I should get back to business. This and the fact that while out to get falafel today (back just over 2 weeks? eaten at the falafel stand... 3, 4 times?) Anyway, at the falafel stand, i was told i looked too fancy to be living in Fairbanks... The lady just doesn't realize the fancy underbelly Fairbanks has to offer :D



Dress: Goodwill $6
Belt: Dump? (had forever... not sure really. But it is Lands End Originally)
Tights: Target
Shoes: Value Village Find
Sunglasses: One of the last items bought at Buffalo Exchange before leaving Minneapolis...




Oh man, Can you tell from my rambling that I have a bunch to share with you all!? I am jazzed by the amount of posts I have lined up! Get ready!

Ramblings: Coming to terms

The act of picking up this long forgotten blog and putting a lot of me out there to the world hits me from all angles. The blogs I personally follow are great. From fashion inspiration, to the people who truly pour their hearts out for others online, I appreciate every single blog (I mean, otherwise I wouldn't follow them!) 

Now, starting this blog back up....adding fashion posts, DIY posts, sharing things I like, putting it all out there, snippets of my life, my mood, my brain, my adventures, I love doing it, but I get these brief moments...little 5 minute panic attacks....where I go 'shit! no! These are MINE! these thoughts, these feelings, ideas, pictures, outfits, tantrums, ramblings...these are mine! no one else's! Hurry, take them all down, before anyone can steal them! (and really it isn't steal....it is honestly, 'before anyone can read/see/judge/misinterpret them!') I have grown up in the world of the internet,for the most part, and yet, every once in a while when I think about having a blog, being on facebook, sharing instagram photos, being on twitter....all of it...I just want to burn it all to the ground.  It is such a mixed bag. What gives ME the right to put fill all this internet space with things all about me, what gives me the right to think others want to know such menial aspects of my simple life? Another fleeting thought that happen in the same vain a lot: Can I shop at the dump for clothing and food, talk about loving wood fired stoves, dream of living back in my water-less cabin in Alaska, be 'one with nature' and still be SO technologically connected? Don't those contradict each other? (and no, they really don't....but in my mind, sometimes...it is one or the other, my mind says I HAVE to pick)

...I am still finding my footing with the newly vamped blog. There are so many great examples out there, and I need to figure out what my place among all them is... I am sure my place is just doing exactly what I want, and being exactly who I want to be, but I am also sure it will take me a while to figure that out :)

For some WONDERFUL, HONEST writing about managing being an online presence, your home life, ethical issues, and the such Please take a look at Little Chief HoneyBee's : Honest-To-Blog Series. 

Ramblings: Tired.

I have been ridiculously tired lately, and it is finally getting to me. It is that vicious cycle... I work an average of 10 hours a day, during which I am eating bad. Then I am trying to workout now about an hour a day, then running errands, cleaning, trying to have at least one meal a day with my boyfriend (usually breakfast). All this adds up. And without any solid FULL days off, it's just a vicious cycle. I don't have time to cook and eat better, so I have to workout. I have to workout, so I don't have time do fun things after work. I am up later b/c I get of work late, then workout, which makes me sleep in.. To then wake up, cook breakfast for nick and I, then go to work at my first of two jobs. Repeat.

At least this time, when I am so tired, I can say I am accomplishing something... I will be totally debt free by the end of the summer (well Except For that one terrible student Loan... But I'll have that till I die..)

I have already paid of my car and cut my insurance in half, yay!

On another note, b/c of either my weird hours of sleep, or my bad eating habits during the day, I am having weird dreams, and dreams I actually remember again.

Alright, post workout adrenaline is wearing off... Bed time.

Ramblings: Big Decisions

Life has a way of throwing things at you from every angle. I am in the midst of that currently.

A week ago I had 5 days left at my current job, with the prospects of signing up for substitute teaching as the only thing on my radar. With a rent that is too much for me currently, winter upon us in Fairbanks, and studying/applying for grad. school for fall 2011 my main task.

Then I got an email saying I was wanted to interview for an AmeriCorps position I applied for back in June, with an awesome program called 'Grow food, Grow Hope' and interviews would be on Wednesday or Thursday. The thing is, this AmeriCorps position is in a small town in Ohio. And Starts mid November. But, I still must interview for it (though, technically they are hiring for 3 positions...soo chances are goodish).

THEN, I get a call this morning about a position at the second story cafe at Gullivers books in town, and have that interview tomorrow at noon. So, there is an in town prospect.

The thing is, I don't know what I really want, staying and going both have pros and cons. It's esp. scary to realize that by Monday I will most likely know what I am doing...

I have to say though, right now, I think Ohio is winning...

Ramblings: Oh, Music.

A) I am stoked that I finally caught on and found Last Pandora... If like me, you are not sure what that is, it combines the best of two awesome worlds. The first is Pandora Radio, which cannot fail at making me happy at work and secondly, Last.FM which tracks all the ridiculous sounds I listen to. In one site. Tis' a good day.

B) Can we talk about how amazing the 'The Mountain Goats Radio' Station on Pandora is? First four songs played where The Mountain Goats, The Decemberists, Iron and Wine, and Neutral Milk Hotel. I say that is a pretty good track record, mmmhm Indeed.

C) ...That being said, I really need some new music up in this life of mine. Any suggestions? eh?